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hinterland

by Allie Kelly

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1.
better 00:53
picking up sand / throw it overhand / and / wasn't as i planned (wasn't as i planned) / sometimes i am just learning / day by day and im trying / every day to be better / and that's about all i know
2.
it's looked the same forever, once again i'm in your room it's neither worse nor better off that i'm still here for you i spend the night and feel the fibers in my chest collapse i don't know how you've always made my circuit short like that one foot in, one foot on the flame i love you, if that changes things i held out for things that never came i'm always grieving everything and now it's worse than ever, once again i'm missing you as if i don't know better, as if it's changing soon i know your voice like it's a siren seeking flesh again i know i'll follow it and drown but i just don't know when one foot in, one foot on the flame i love you, if that changes things i stood down for things that never tamed i always salvage everything mmm x3 as if i dont know better one foot in, one foot in mmm x2 i love you, if that changes things mmm x3
3.
axon, axoff 02:19
writhe in my skin, first thing in the mornin' it's the shape that i'm in it's the face that i don't belong in it's all again and again and again im on and im off and im on again i think it over again and again the axons on and off again where do i go if i cannot go back where i came from i'm on my own and i'm watching the world pass, wide-eyed shadows that go all around in my mind for all time i, i need a sign (mm, mm) i'm jumping the gun, 'in the gun smoking the subtle fake-outs toss me the one box of my trust to shake out it's all again and again and again im up and im off and im on again i think it over again and again the axons on and off again where do i go if i cannot go back where i came from i'm on my own and i'm watching the world pass, wide-eyed shadows that go all around in my mind for all time i, i need a sign (ha, ha) oh yeah yeah yeah
4.
enough 01:02
and i never did tell you how it felt (and i never did) look at me now, aren't i what you wanted? i can't regret it anymore i'm trying to regenerate i don't know how long that takes i have always wanted to be enough aren't i what you wanted?
5.
why the long face, baby? why the silence lately? why the sun keep beating, can't it see i'm leaving? there's a lesson to hold it down, cut me open and tear it out now i don't go waiting around, super psycho and freaking out take a number and wait it out don't the good things come back around? take a number and wait it out don't the good things come back around? numbers over a letter some time's better than never numbers over a letter sometime's better than never
6.
comedown 01:10
it's not love that hurts, it's the dead end and if it weren't one sided i'd be one good friend i guess and fuck who i am without it how do you feel about it? i'm a grade A coward, waiting for a meteor shower and that's how i figure it out spend all my time just letting myself down and that's how i kick it around that's all i really do in a comedown
7.
never did know just how it started suddenly i was there on the roof of a car, outside a college with party polluted air and i spent a whole year just to know even less about it maybe that's just how it goes, when you dance around it then i was thinking of times, you would call to tell me baby you're just on my mind isn't it crazy how the years go i've lived a million lives since the last time i knew just when you'd get home and who you bring inside and i spent a few years just to try to forget about it maybe there's always the whys when you dance around it i'd rather think of the times you would call to tell me you are the love of my life
8.
on the nose 01:12
is it that on the nose? you don't look too bad yourself now, why is that what i sought out there's a thought that i spoke loud where'd ya go / where've ya been wanna know / i've pictured it mmm
9.
grey over mountainsides, i say hello it's a strange apathy, sweeping in time oh in time in every question my trust becomes fleeting and i can't see anything that won't end up leaving and sure they could care, what if they don't? i only translate what yesterday knows what do i know what do i know and i go backwards, to regain my sense of it i know what happened, you made me unsure of it and every answer, i never will know 'em i can't count time the way i recount moments grey over mountainsides, i say hello it's a strange apathy, sweeping in time
10.
i'm too sentimental, or i'm too cold no one wants to hold me, just watch me fold under pressure cry 'til my head hurts i'm just a threat, until they're doing better so don't ask me how i'm doing now you know i won't really trust you anyhow mmm guess it feels pathetic to talk about how much i conceal because i'd rather doubt that i'm worthy of anything sturdy i'm made of bones and bones just get dirty so don't ask me if it's turned around you know i don't really wanna let you down mmm i'm too sentimental, or i'm too cold i'm too everything until the story's old
11.
it would seem, that you're still the same to me i'm still dancing to your beat in the disbelief that you could want me some would say, i'm the type to push away leave your life in disarray but you never chose to heed the warnings and i think i may never shake the things that your smile does to me or the sun-rays in your disposition comforting, like i'm home and i can breathe like a shelter and a sheath it's a war out there, i'm warm in here i still need to take the time and find the pieces it would be the only thing i can believe in don't you see, there is only one life i am living for it still catches me off-guard i can never know how far to let these things go but i find all this reverence for the time all that joy and it was mine and i know, and i know it would seem, that you're still the same to me i'm still dancing to your beat, in the disbelief that you still want me
12.
firebird 01:24
lowdown river turns carry me out my demons are the same size as me now oh, how you've grown and i'm going far away now slow down firebird takin' me down white lies i seek like grey mountain peaks i who are all you people anyway? what're you standing there for? i'm going far away now

about

a collection of some favorite demos made between july '21 and july '23.
giving them a safe home here, in the event they never find another one.



when grappling with the hinterland of my life, mind, and music, i found myself wanting to grow roses from piles of sticks. i'm still learning the grace of not knowing; things that are meant to be felt and not known have guided this writing. thank u for spending any time with it, it's incredibly special to me.

made in 904 and 818

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released July 7, 2023

written and produced by allie kelly

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Allie Kelly Los Angeles, California

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